I’m ready to be done with that muggle bint Hermione. She keeps getting her baps out whenever we go camping. What’s more – I shit you not – she keeps grabbing my broomstick and asking to ride it. So inappropriate. It doesn’t matter that I keep reminding her that the Firebolt’s out of bounds to all but the Gryffindor quidditch team. Me, I’m still sore that my last broomstick snapped – the Nimbus 2000, the best ride in Hogwarts. (Snape did for that one.)

Harry Potter, an anonymous bit of woodland, 2007.