‘Calm down, Peter, of course I didn’t mount your sister Susan while you were off conversing with magical creatures. I’m Jesus; I don’t knob people – it’s just not what I do. Don’t believe that Dan Brown bastard; that filthy slapper Magdalene washed my feet and snuck a look up my toga, nothing more. Besides, all that was before I became a metaphorical talking lion. Everything’s different now.’

Aslan, Narnia, Winter (but not Christmas).